{"id":10891,"date":"2024-05-10T08:03:11","date_gmt":"2024-05-10T15:03:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.brainstreams.ca\/?p=10858"},"modified":"2025-07-03T22:04:45","modified_gmt":"2025-07-04T05:04:45","slug":"mothers-metamorphosis-by-debra-erickson","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/messageinabottle.ca\/bcbia\/mothers-metamorphosis-by-debra-erickson\/","title":{"rendered":"Mother’s Metamorphosis by Debra Erickson"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\"Family<\/a>We will take a moment this month to wish Happy Mother\u2019s Day to the person who fills that role in our lives.<\/span> I<\/span>t is a role that<\/span> is always changing<\/span>. We find ourselves flexing and stretching through the years<\/span> to<\/span> straddle<\/span> the demands of home an<\/span>d work.<\/span> Throw a Traumatic Brain Injury into the mix and all bets are o<\/span>ff!<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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I remember Mother\u2019s Day, May 13,<\/span> 1990<\/span>.<\/span> I was <\/span>largely pregnant<\/span>, already a week past due, awaiting the birth of my third<\/span> child. <\/span>It had been a long, difficult <\/span>pregnancy<\/span>. <\/span>Finally<\/span>,<\/span> o<\/span>n the afternoon of May 16, I held my beautiful baby girl in my arms<\/span>.<\/span> It\u2019s<\/span> raining and <\/span>the <\/span>smell of lilacs fills the air <\/span>when I head home two days later<\/span>, anxious to do life with my two little boys and their new baby sister.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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May 11,<\/span> 2008,<\/span> I celebrate Mother\u2019s Day again with my f<\/span>amily. <\/span>There\u2019s<\/span> so much to look forward to. Lauren is graduating from high school in a month<\/span>. She has achieved <\/span>numerous<\/span> awards as well as a scholarship to U<\/span>.B.C. Okanagan where she will study nursing.<\/span> The house is filled with the aroma of lilacs once again.\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019ve<\/span> picked a bouquet for the dining room table and hope they will last until we celebrate Laur<\/span>en\u2019s 18<\/span><\/span>th<\/span><\/span> birthday<\/span> on May 16.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Five days <\/span>later on<\/span> May 16, <\/span>2008,\u00a0<\/span> I<\/span> wake briefly to the sound of crying, people talking in hushed tones<\/span>. Monitors are beeping, I.V. lines dripping…I am so confused. I drift in and out of <\/span>consciouness<\/span>. <\/span>Somewhere in the fog, there are fragments of memories from that day. <\/span>I\u2019m<\/span> decorating a cake, <\/span>I\u2019m<\/span> finishing th<\/span>e last file at the law office, <\/span>I\u2019m<\/span> on my bike<\/span>, I hear a loud engine revving…then nothing. Where am I<\/span>?\u00a0<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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I <\/span>learn<\/span> a couple of <\/span>days<\/span> later that I had been hit by a truck while cycling home from my office. The driver fled the scene, leaving me unco<\/span>nscious in the ditch. <\/span>While in hospital, they deal with my physical injuries, <\/span>I\u2019m<\/span> in constant pain, assuming the confusion in my head is due to pain medication.<\/span> At home, things become even more confusing. I cannot remember how to operate the coffee maker, no recall of what a washer or dryer does<\/span>. Clocks, remotes, cell phones \u2013 all <\/span>foreign<\/span> objects<\/span>.<\/span> How will I care for my family?\u00a0<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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I beg my doctor for permission to attend Lauren\u2019s graduation. As I\u2019m unable to walk, I attend in a wheelchair. Most of that evening is <\/span>a blur but there are images of her in a beautiful gold gown. I cry, laugh, talk loud, make no sense and have to leave far too early in the evening as <\/span>the stimuli of everything overwhelmed me.<\/span> I\u2019m<\/span> not the Mom I want to be. <\/span>I\u2019ve<\/span> morphed into someone I <\/span>can\u2019t<\/span> even recogniz<\/span>e<\/span>.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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How can this be happening? In two months she will begin university and I\u2019m of no help in this enormous life tran<\/span>sition she is facing.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>I was the mom who was up early, making lunches, checking homework, <\/span>attending concerts and track meets and involved in many committees<\/span>. Now <\/span>I\u2019m<\/span> mom in a wheelchair and my daughter is driving me to neurological rehab<\/span> where <\/span>I\u2019m<\/span> learning to tie my shoes again a<\/span>nd speak.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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I was thrown into a totally reversed role now where my adult children were my caregivers<\/span>. Learning to navigate this new dynamic was humiliating. I <\/span>fully expected resentment would be the o<\/span>utcome.<\/span> Brain injury often brings about enormous change in the family dynamic. Sadly, my marriage of 33 years was not exemp<\/span>t. My children were adults at the time our marriage ended<\/span> but they still <\/span>grieved<\/span> the loss of family stability.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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My oldest son was deeply <\/span>impacted<\/span> by the challenges I faced<\/span> trying to access resources<\/span> and chose to study as a social worker and bring about change for marginalized people. My middle son <\/span>suffered the loss of his own child on the heels of my injury. <\/span>He lobbied for change in pediatric heart transplant pol<\/span>icies in our province.\u00a0<\/span> My<\/span> daughter saw me struggle to work through memory,<\/span> emotion, trying to communicate <\/span>my abstract thoughts. She chose the path <\/span>of<\/span> psychiatric nursing<\/span> and is no<\/span>w an advocate for<\/span> mental health<\/span> and drug addiction<\/span> in our city.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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What will I celebrate this Mother\u2019s Day? <\/span>Firstly, huge gratitude for being alive! I<\/span> will<\/span> celebrate three <\/span>children who have <\/span>known<\/span> adversity in their own lives<\/span> but have chosen to advocate for others facing challenges<\/span>. <\/span>I\u2019ll<\/span> celebrate the <\/span>strong support<\/span> I have from my husband of three years<\/span>.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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I think <\/span>I\u2019ll<\/span> take a walk and smell the lilacs. They say smell is the strongest invoker of memory. <\/span>Maybe<\/span> that<\/span> fragrance will take me back to<\/span> easier times prior to injury<\/span> and loss<\/span>.<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>As <\/span>I<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>embra<\/span>ce<\/span> the<\/span> familiar\u00a0<\/span>scent<\/span> of so many <\/span>yesterdays<\/span> maybe it<\/span> will give<\/span> fresh courage to face <\/span>future Mother\u2019s <\/span>Days <\/span>with<\/span> authenticity <\/span>and<\/span> grace <\/span>regardless of <\/span>lif<\/span>e\u2019s challenges.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Happy Mother\u2019s Day!<\/span>\u2019<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We will take a moment this month to wish Happy Mother\u2019s Day to the person who fills that role in our lives. It is a role that is always changing. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":12365,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_EventAllDay":false,"_EventTimezone":"","_EventStartDate":"","_EventEndDate":"","_EventStartDateUTC":"","_EventEndDateUTC":"","_EventShowMap":false,"_EventShowMapLink":false,"_EventURL":"","_EventCost":"","_EventCostDescription":"","_EventCurrencySymbol":"","_EventCurrencyCode":"","_EventCurrencyPosition":"","_EventDateTimeSeparator":"","_EventTimeRangeSeparator":"","_EventOrganizerID":[],"_EventVenueID":[],"_OrganizerEmail":"","_OrganizerPhone":"","_OrganizerWebsite":"","_VenueAddress":"","_VenueCity":"","_VenueCountry":"","_VenueProvince":"","_VenueState":"","_VenueZip":"","_VenuePhone":"","_VenueURL":"","_VenueStateProvince":"","_VenueLat":"","_VenueLng":"","_VenueShowMap":false,"_VenueShowMapLink":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1072,37],"tags":[849,1290,1291,1051,1292,1293,1294,1295,1296,980,1297,912],"class_list":["post-10891","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog-1","category-survivors-stories","tag-brain-injury","tag-cycling","tag-daughter","tag-family-1","tag-graduation","tag-hit-and-run","tag-mother","tag-mothers-day","tag-mothers","tag-rehabilitation-1","tag-son","tag-tbi"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/messageinabottle.ca\/bcbia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10891","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/messageinabottle.ca\/bcbia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/messageinabottle.ca\/bcbia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/messageinabottle.ca\/bcbia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/messageinabottle.ca\/bcbia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10891"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/messageinabottle.ca\/bcbia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10891\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/messageinabottle.ca\/bcbia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12365"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/messageinabottle.ca\/bcbia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10891"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/messageinabottle.ca\/bcbia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10891"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/messageinabottle.ca\/bcbia\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10891"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}